Is Patriarchy sustained by the Matriarchs?

Is Patriarchy sustained by matriarchs?

I am aware that  I might ruffle a few feathers with this idea , may touch a raw nerve somewhere; but I ramble on hoping that nobody takes offence. As always , I assert my right to be wrong. After all, I am the sole Mark  Zuckerberg or Jack Dorsey of this blog space. I can modify  or delete the post or any comments… ha ha.

 Most families, even if not living as the traditional joint families , have somebody calling the shots on shastra sampradaya. Shastra is a set of rules wherein at most the interpretation can be different while the rules are by and large fixed. Sampradaya refers to traditions that  can be bent ,  broken or twisted beyond recognition..after there is no appeal to “aise hi hota hai hamare ghar men”. This is where the grand ma scores .

In Tamil country , you will have a paatti in command and you can’t imagine a Punjabi family without a beeji. So is it in every other part of the country .

What’s the grand pa doing ? After all he is the one logically supposed to be  imposing  ‘Patriarchy’.

Most likely , post retirement, men become a kind of manpower (pun intended) surplus to the establishment, as we say in the army. The manpower is there without any power; that leaves the man.

He is generally occupied with activities like golf(in the army) or reading newspapers , walks etc. He does make some noise now and then to show his presence, but mostly it’s when he misplaces his reading glasses or when he finds someone sitting on his favourite chair . He has neither the inclination nor the energy to impose his will on the family leave alone the extended family.

It’s the biji or paatti who constantly keep evaluating the pecking order. She decides which are the ‘must attend’ functions and which one can be given a pass. Along with this one has to decide on the price range of gifts and so on. If the function is hosted by the family , then the scope of work becomes too complex. You need to cover who all should be invited. Then comes the subtle divisions in hierarchy wherein  invitees are classified…just send invitation, invitation followed by phone call, personal visit and personal visit with appropriate gifts.

It is not just restricted to social and religious functions but pervades through every activity in a joint family.

With all these subtle and some not so subtle maneuvers, one ensures that the classic values of a patriarchal society are propagated and sustained.

Ok, then shouldn’t it be called matriarchy? Here’s the catch; all decisions are taken for the benefit of her sons and grandsons, directly or indirectly. It is also  ensured that daughters in law and sometimes even daughters don’t overstep their briefs.

What about male domination at the work place? It is there , but it is just male domination , not patriarchy , right ? Even if it resembles so, it just goes to prove that the seeds of male domination anywhere, is sowed at home, yes.., by the matriarchs!

I rest my case.

Is it wrong to say that so far, it is the family matriarchs who have been sustaining patriarchy.

That’s the story so far.

Where do we go from here ?

Women of my generation , ie senagers   (senior citizens who want to live like teenagers, or shall we say ,cool seniors) are the first lot to have had a full career and are financially well placed to lead an independent life.

Rightly or wrongly they do not have many children and grand children to boss over. They have enough interests outside family issues to keep them occupied.

It remains to be seen whether they will still  like to wield power over their shrinking brood , however small or tiny, and if so, will sons continue to get preferential treatment.

I don’t think it is likely. There ends patriarchy.. feminism or no feminism.